SLEEPING WITH PENGOVSKY

Going Loco

The latest and greatest example of this government losing its grip on reality…

One of the decisions of last Thursday’s Cabinet meeting is to rename Ljubljana International Airport. Henceforth it shall be known as Jože Pučnik International

The government said that Jože Pučnik has done so much for Slovenia and its independence that he deserves to have an important facility carry his name.

Riiiight….

True, the man was one of the driving forces behind independence, but he sure as hell wasn’t the only one. He didn’t just come to the bar one night and said to his fellow dissidents “Listen guys, I’ve an idea… Why we don’t declare independence?“, and everyone else didn’t go “Hey, that’s a neat idea! Why didn’t I think of that?“.

Besides – he never held any formal function (we was elected deputy, but that was more or less it). Now, the government would have you think that this is all perfectly normal. Afterall, we do have JFK I’ntl in New York, or Charles de Gaulle International in Paris – they even mention John Lennon International in Liverpool as proof of their endless wisdom.

There are differences, though… One: Jože Pučnik was never elected president – neither did he write a single hit song. Two: There are little public locations in Slovenia that are named after politicians. There were of course numerous Tito’s Steets, Kidrič’s Parks, etc, but few of them now remain, more of a historic relic than a sign of respect. And (perhaps more importantly) two – or three, for those keeping count: There are waaay better options for naming the largest Slovene airport. Perhaps it could be named after Edvard Rusjan, the first Slovene flyer, who went airborne only six years after Wright brothers. On the other hand (my faviourite), the airport could be named after Herman Potočnik – Noordung, whose seminal work “The Problems of Space Travel” was the basis for Werhner von Braun’s breakthroughs in rocket design.

But no… In accrodance with the totalitarian instincts of this government, we now have an airport named after a party leader. Sounds awfully familiar….

Trubači Fejata Sejdića

Ever been to Guča? Me neither… I plan on going to. But in the mean time, Fužine seems to be a good second choice, as Trubači Fejata Sejdića (Fejat Sejdić’s Brass Band) has a gig there until Sunday, June 10th (inclusive). We’ve had a lot of fun there Wednesday night…

Ej kome sada moja draga
na djurdjevak mirise
na djurdjevak mirise
meni nikad vise
evo zore evo zore
Bogu da se pomolim
evo zore evo zore
ej djurdjevdan je
a ja nisam s onom koju volim

or, as Mark Knopfler would have it:

Juliet, the dice were loaded from the start
And I bet and you exploded in my heart
And I forget the movie song
When you wanna realise it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet ?

Sorry… I’m a bit introspective these days

Some Pointers For Summer Vacation (pt. 2)

Continued from yesterday…

CZECHS

Dead giveaways: Rather tame and unsure. Are on a par with Germans as far as lack of style is concerned.

Necessary beach accessories: Mini-fridge. Unlike Germans, who carry all sorts of exquisite cuisine in it, the Czechs carry all sorts of cheap pates. Rubber sandals. A diving mask and a snorkel, for diving in two feet of water. Low-quality inflatable pillow.

Pick-up lines: “Co to je?” They’ll probably use it to find out what dish you ordered in a restaurant and then order the same for themselves. While on the beach they use broken English, trying to tell you that the two of you can get along perfectly without much verbal communication.

The secret of success: Shyness. Plenty of women out there have an exaggerated and over evolved maternal/protecionist instincts and if anyone can trigger them – it’s the Czechs!

Evasive manoeuvres: That’s easy. Just use a cold stare. They’ll bug out immediately. They are not likely to hold a grudge, which in this case is a great plus and saves them a lot of grief.

SLOVENES

Dead giveaways: Sports-crazy, usually wearing a sporting outfit and always on the move. You’ll have a hard time finding them on the beach or in a pub. If by any chance they’re not wearing their sunglasses, you’ll have no trouble guessing their favourite brand of eyewear – Oakley, judging by the shape of white skin on their face. They will usually drive a bright-coloured car, and when they start pulling out all that sporting equipement, their ride will resemble a Sport Billy bag.

Necessary beach accessories: A surfing board in one hand, water-skis in the other, and a free-climbing rope around the belt, because you never know…

Pick-up lines: “Uh, kakšna bejba!” They used to call babes “miška”, but that’s lame now

The secret of success: Looking fit and vibrant.

Evasive manoeuvres: You don’t want to evade Slovenes, but most likely won’t get the chance anyway. Namely, they’re so self-confident and uninterested in the world around them (it’s just a posse), that you’ll have to draw them a picture if you fancy one of them. In Technicolor. But still, if you do get bored by a Slovene, show up in full make up and ask them if you can surf in a skirt. Tell them in confidence, that you don’t really like sports, that you’re not all that sociable and that you prefer a massage and a candle light dinner.

BOSNIANS

Dead giveaways: A rather loud bunch, always merry and when talking on the phone they always scratch their ass. Inside their pants! It’s a genetically imprinted trademark, so whenever you see a guy doing that, you can be sure that at least one of his parents is Bosnian.

Necessary beach accessories: Two mobile phones and – a smile. Even if there’s only two of them, it feels like there’s a beach full of them. If you lost sight of them – check under your towel!

Pick-up lines: “Halo mačak, što ti je to naraslo? Halo, dobra! Mala, nosi bedž da ti se zna prednja strana!« Pick up lines is what they’re best at

The secret of success: Pure boyish charm. There’s no way to get rid of them roughly. They’re so charming that you’ll find it hard not to at least smile at them.

Evasive manoeuvres: Simply introduce them to your gorgeous girlfriend… 😀

Some Pointers For Summer Vacation (pt. 1)

A few pointers for those ladies who intend to spend at least a part of their summer vacation somewhere on Croatian coast. The rest of the audience – please feel to laugh… At least on the inside 😀

Got it via email in Croatian (later also seen here), so I translated and adapted it (except pick-up lines… You’ll have to learn them by heart ;))

ITALIANS

Dead giveaways: They’re loudest bunch on the beach by far, the most dark-skinned and dark-haired and wearing an entire goldmine around their necks. Dressed according to the latest and the boldest fashion trends. Terribly self-confident, regardless of their baldness or shape (they usually come off younger than they really are). Even sporting a huge beer-belly won’t stop them from wearing Tarzan-style swimmers.

Necessary beach accessories: Every type of creams concievable (pre-sunbathing, post-sunbathing, sunscreen, face crème, aloe vera for that cool and smooth feeling) as well as car keys, even if though they usually walk from the hotel to the beach

Pick-up lines: Che bella! Tu sei bellisima! They usually sound as if they escaped from a B-movie (i.e.: pathethic)

The secret of success: They’re stubborn and persuasive. But that doesn’t mean that they’re single or at the very least alone on vacation. To the contrary! Quite possibly, just a few metres into the shade their wife is putting their six-month-old baby to sleep.

Evasive manoeuvres: A few minutes into the conversation, state that you abhore cosmetics, that you’ve no clue about Shisseido’s latest anti-cellulite cream, that you don’t like jewellery, that you spend your days wearing jeans, that you’ve never had a manicure and that you can’t stand the hairdresser’s, so your neighbour is doing your hair.

GERMANS

Dead giveaways: They turn red even before they leave the shade! Besides being fair-haired and of an unhealthy light complexion, they usually move around in groups. They have no style and taste for clothes, making it highly likely that they’ll look waaay better during the day in their swimmers than in the evening, fully clad. They usually wear plastic sandals. Yuck!

Necessary beach accessories: An umbrella, mini-fridge and an inflatable pillow with a beer-holder.

Pick-up lines: Hallo Shatze! (that’s about it, because they’re very uptight, unimaginative and cold. Except when they get drunk)

The secret of success: None. Their success rate with women is humiliatingly low and usually consists of them being the prey.

Evasive manoeuvres: When asked to drink with them, proceed to explain that you’ve forgot your wallet. If they further offer you to buy you a drink (unlikely), say that you fancy some chow in that expensive restaurant by the beach. After that an uncomfortable silence will take place, upon which say how thrilled you are that you’ve stumbled on them, because (just your luck!) you’re thinking of getting a job in Germany, so maybe they’d be as kind as to get you a job in a restaurant or at least let you crash at their place for a while. Proceed to watch them split before you can say Auf wiedersehen!

DALMATIANS (People, not dogs!)

Dead giveaways: Next to Italians, the most pompous species a beach can provide. Cosily parked nearly everywhere and should wind blow something away, they expect others (you!?) to get it for them. They wear sunglasses even during the night!

Necessary beach accessories: Their egos and a ball. Also note that they never leave the water.

Pick-up lines: “Ča je lipa/smišna ova mala!”

The secret of success: Cool looks. Their eyes, hidden behind sunglasses seem to stare somewhere far beyond, making Dalmatians seem totally uninterested in you. But on the other side of the dark glass: Matrix! Their pupils zig-zagging from one object of desire to another at the speed of light, at same or greater speeds sending information to the brain where it is being stored, processed and finalized. Who ever thought of calling Dalmatians lazy!

Evasive manoeuvres: As they are attracted to “playing hard to get”, act highly available if you really want to fend them off. Immediately state your belief in love at first sight and admit that he’s the kind of guy you’ve been looking for all your life. All that needs to be done is him meeting your dad and you can get engaged – because you don’t believe in pre-marital sex!

Tomorrow: Czechs, Slovenians, Bosnians

Asshole of the Week

Definitely not my ass, much less an asshole 😀

The setting: Cutty Sark Pub, post-Iron Maiden gig in Ljubljana

The cast: DJ Pengovsky as himself, putting on tunes by Led Zeppelin, The Kiss, Guns n’ Roses, Steppenwolf, The Rolling Stones, AC/DC, Dire Straits, Doors and similiar. Also present are several Iron Maiden fiends, chief among them: The Asshole, age approx. 22

The Dialogue:

Asshole: Do you have any Iron Maiden?
Pengovsky: You’re about the fourth person to ask me that, and the answer is still no.
Asshole’s Friend: Can you put on Whiskey in the Jar?
Pengovsky: Sure.
Asshole: If you don’t have Iron Maiden, what do you have?
Pengovsky: Kind of silly question, don’t you think?
Asshole: Why? I thought this was a rock&roll bar…

Sigh….

ZX Spectrum 48K

An article in Joker magazine made me take a trip down memory lane…

The legendary “rubber”

ZX Spectrum was the first “microcomputer” which cost less than hundred pounds and my first computer ever was the version with a ludicrous amount of memory… 48 kilobytes. Yes… that is 48 kB… Just for comparison, the laptop I’m writing this post on has 1 GB of memory. That’s 2134-times more 🙂

ZX Spectrum, a.k.a. “The Rainbow” for the rainbowish stripes in the lower right-hand corner, a.k.a. “The Rubber” for its rubbery keyboard was my brush with the world of computers – which consisted mostly of playing Manic Miner. While I could never finish the game, my father actually made it, which made him the ultimate hero of our appartament building at the time 🙂

And in case you wondered: the price tag pf a Spectrum for us “Easterners” was 4.000 deutschmarks (say, 2.000 of today’s euros)… For a computer that has less memory than a lightbulb!!!! But, on the other hand, the one in the picture still works 😀

And if you want to relive the glory days of 8-bit graphics and a sound which consisted of only a varying pitch and lenght of a “beep”, visit www.worldofspectrum.org

UPDATE: Must be a computer day…. Michael M. posted some thoughts on Linux Ubuntu which apparently is not all that it could be

The Great Ripoff Case of 2007

According to comments over at Miss Nymphe, plenty of people received much the same snail-mail over the last few days from the largest health insurance company Vzajemna. The contents of the envelope suggest that there indeed is such a thing as free lunch – although Fras seems to dispute that…

Well, he’s right, of course. There is not such thing as a free lunch.

The content of the envelope – click to enlarge

For those of you who are either not in the know or are just too lazy to click on image, a brief explanation. The document consists of two part. The upper (much larger) part is an offer for an insurance plan for a period of 10 years. The plan in itself is pure bullshit, only securing you a meagre amount (EUR 15-20) of cash daily in case you get injured (and that does not mean comming down with a flu), and even that only for a period of 30 days.

The catch – as always – is in the small print. The company claims to cover the premium with monies from your “elderly reservations” (more on that shortly). But a premium of EUR 62 per annum (for a period of 10 years) totals some 300 percent more than my “elderly reservation” (in a minute, what’s the hurry?!?). And the small print states that “in case the reservations do not cover the premiums for the selected period, the client will be billed the remaining amount”

The second, much smaller part of the document is about Vzajemna returning your “elderly reservations”, which is basically a small chunk of cash that was put aside every month into a fund which was supposedly intended to cover the rising costs of health of the elderly people, but also making you eligible for the same level of insurance as you grow old. These “reservations” were hugely inflated and allowed insurance companies to spend them non-transparently and were thus abolished by law in early 2006, whereas the companies were instructed to return the monies to clients forthwith.

So, while Vzajemna is forced to give back a fistful of euros (no relation), it is desperately trying to hustle its clients of that money and even make some on the side. Which would all be only deplorable if this were just another health insurance company. But this is Vzajemna, a mutual health insurance comapny, created by lex specialis, a law which deals solely with mutual health insurance.

Someone at Vzajemna should be shot and then severely interrogated.

So – how to get your money from these people? Just fill in second form and leave the first one blank – better yet, put a large red X over it.

Aha, but this proves that a free lunch does exist, I hear you scream… Well, it doesn’t. This money doesn’t come out of the blue, but it was actually skimmed of your premiums, invested, laundered and is now grudgingly given back to you… Hell, it’s not even your money! It’s someone else’s money given to you as a compensation for the fact that the fat insurance companies rolled in your cash and made paper aeroplanes out of it.