Borut Pahor | SLEEPING WITH PENGOVSKY

Nataša Pirc Musar, Commander In Chief

Nataša Pirc Musar was elected the first female president of Slovenia on Sunday. The end result was very much in line with polling predictions. The president-elect won just shy of 54 percent of the vote while Anže Logar, got 46 percent, the largest percentage for any SDS president candidate ever. Thus, another glass ceiling had been broken in Muddy Hollows, the third one in less than six months.

President-elect Nataša Pirc Musar at a lectern during a press conference with the outgoing president Borut Pahor. — *President-elect Nataša Pirc Musar during a welcome-tour at her future office (source)*

Nearly a decade had passed since Alenka Bratušek and her brief-but-crucial stint as first female PM of Muddy Hollows. It took the country until late spring this year to see Urška Klakočar Zupančič become first female Speaker. Weeks later, Tanja Fajon was appointed the first female foreign minister. And now, NPM won the race for the top job. Women have finally arrived.

One Queen To Rule Them All

At first glance, the passing of Queen Elizabeth II does not seem especially pertinent to the politics of Muddy Hollows. In fact, other than a couple of boilerplate expressions of condolences by the nation’s highest elected officials and a botched (and then deleted) tweet by the Glorious Leader, the death of the worlds longest-serving monarch in, like, ever, was primarily a media fascination.

Queen Elizabeth II during her tour of Slovenian capital Ljubljana (photo by pengovsky) — *Queen Elizabeth during her tour of Ljubljana (source: The Firm(tm))*

That is not to say, however, the late queen and Slovenia never crossed paths. Fourteen years ago, Her Majesty popped over for a three-day state visit. The occasion was correctly seen as a major diplomatic success for a country that had joined the EU and NATO only four years earlier.

President Pahor Calls Election And Tampers With Rules Of Engagement

President Pahor dropped his hankie last Wednesday and called the 2022 parliamentary election in Muddy Hollows. The date of the vote is set for April 24, the first possible date in a six-week period. This means that the rubber now finally meets the road and the mad dash for the finish line begins.

President Borut Pahor signing the order calling the 2022 parliamentary election. — *The Prez signing the order calling parliamentary elections (source)*

This also means that The Prez was not under pressure to backtrack on his earlier commitments to this date. Or, to be more precise, this meas that the Glorious Leader is just fine with the date. The only one who was making noises on this was nationalist party leader and a walking business project, Zmago Jelinčič.

Borut Pahor And Election Deflection

Some ten days ago, president Pahor announced his intention to schedule parliamentary election in Muddy Hollows for Sunday, 24 April 2022. Ordinarily, this would have been huge fucking news. And it was. For about fifteen minutes.

Ballot box used in Slovenian elections. — *The ballot box. The image is not yet purely symbolic.*

Careful observers, however, noted almost immediately that the language Pahor used was, well, Pahoresque. That, in fact, the announcement was not really an announcement. Rather, it was an announcement of an announcement of an intention. That is was, en bref, a load of bullshit with the sole aim of deflecting heat off the back of PM Janez Janša.

Pretty Non-Paper Burns Pretty

The clusterfuck is complete and there will be a bloodbath. The legendary words by the late, great Jaša L. Zlobec, although uttered in a different context, never seemed more appropriate than these days, as the story of what is becoming known as “Slovenian non-paper” on partition of Bosnia and the rest of Western Balkans is developing at pace.

A mock-up map of former Yugoslavia with broken-up Bosnia-Herzegovina and Kosovo, as described in the infamous Slovenian non-paper. — *This is one ugly map (source)*

There are many angles to this story, none of them appealing to the eye. There is nothing to be gained by fooling around with redrawing borders in the Balkans. Doubly so when done in the crass and pedestrian manner the leaked non-paper suggests. The only potential upside to this might be the powers that be paying more attention to Bosnia-Herzegovina. Or at least it might result in Slovenian foreign minister Logar being thrown to the dogs, seeing as this happened on his watch and whatnot.

#Karlexit

There was an almost audible gasp on social media in Muddy Hollows once the results finally came in and it had become obvious that Aleksandra Pivec ousted Karl Erjavec as DeSUS leader, by a landslide.

*Aleksandra Pivec, the new DeSUS leader (source)*

The implosion was immediate. Erjavec came into the congress as one of the longest-serving party leaders in the history of independent Slovenia and with an impressive CV of serving as foreign minister in three governments and as minister of defense in two, including the current one, but left almost as a private citizen, announcing his resignation from the government.

Clearly, No-one Was Thinking (part 4: Spies Like Us)

A corollary to one of the Murphy’s Laws states that if multiple things can go wrong, they will go wrong in the worst possible order. Additionally, Murphy’s Fourteenth Law states that if anything can’t go wrong on its own, someone will make it go wrong.

*With apologies to Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd (source)*

This, in a nutshell, is the unnecessary, avoidable and wholly manufactured spook-scandal that is engulfing Muddy Hollows in the last few days. To put it simply, the turf war between SOVA (Slovenian intelligence service), KNOVS (parliamentary oversight committee) and PM Marjan Šarec (to whom SOVA reports directly) makes the plot of Spies Like Us look like a fucking John Le Carre thriller.