European Union | SLEEPING WITH PENGOVSKY

The Kos That Caught The (Enlargement) Car

Marta Kos is slated to be come the commissioner for EU enlargement in the next European Commission. The announcement was part of Ursula von der Leyen’s big reveal on Tuesday and it left Slovenian PM Robert Golob positively giddy.

Marta Kos, as she appears on the cover of her official European Commission CV. — *Marta Kos on her official European Commission CV (source)*

Despite ever-increasing evidence to the contrary, Muddy Hollows continues to see itself as something of a Balkan protector saint, when it comes to the EU. Which is why successive Slovenian governments were pining to win the enlargement portfolio over the past couple of commission cycles. Yesterday, the dog has finally caught the car. Now what?

Like A Bad Penny, Borut Pahor Keeps Turning Up

While pengovsky was in the US chasing the solar eclipse, Borut Pahor was apparently chasing an EU gig. After none of the high-profile jobs he so often hinted at panned out (to great astonishment of a grand total of zero people), the former president would now like to be the EU’s Kumbaya man for Kosovo and Serbia.

Borut Pahor and Serbian president Aleksandar Vučić — *Aca Vučić and Borut Pahor (right) (source)*

Officially styled as EU Special Representative for Belgrade – Priština dialogue and other Western Balkans regional issues, it is a thankless job. The gig mostly involves coming up with excuses to organise meet-ups between Aca Vučić and whoever Kosovo’s top ćulaf is at any given time, while allowing the two countries can continue to pretend the other doesn’t exist.

Pretty Non-Paper Burns Pretty

The clusterfuck is complete and there will be a bloodbath. The legendary words by the late, great Jaša L. Zlobec, although uttered in a different context, never seemed more appropriate than these days, as the story of what is becoming known as “Slovenian non-paper” on partition of Bosnia and the rest of Western Balkans is developing at pace.

A mock-up map of former Yugoslavia with broken-up Bosnia-Herzegovina and Kosovo, as described in the infamous Slovenian non-paper. — *This is one ugly map (source)*

There are many angles to this story, none of them appealing to the eye. There is nothing to be gained by fooling around with redrawing borders in the Balkans. Doubly so when done in the crass and pedestrian manner the leaked non-paper suggests. The only potential upside to this might be the powers that be paying more attention to Bosnia-Herzegovina. Or at least it might result in Slovenian foreign minister Logar being thrown to the dogs, seeing as this happened on his watch and whatnot.

One Letter, Six Prime Ministers and Half A Million Vaccine Doses

Someone please tell prime minister Janez Janša to stop writing letters. Every time he writes one he sets himself up for a fuck-up of epic (epidemic?) proportions. This time is no different. Last weekend, Janša co-authored a sharply-worded letter to European Commission and EU Council presidents. Therein he joined PMs of Austria, Czech Republic, Croatia, Latvia and Bulgaria in complaining about delivery of Covid-19 vaccine doses, basically accusing Brussels of lack of solidarity.

Photo of letter by PMs of Slovenia, Austria, Bulgaria, Czech Republic and Latvia, asking for more fairness in vaccine distribution — First, there were five PMs. Then, there were six. But in Vienna, there were only four.

Fast forward a couple of days and PM Janša finds himself bitch-slapped by the European Commission, thrown under the bus by Viktor Órban, and in serious trouble at home for skipping on buying available vaccine doses. As a result the Glorious Leader had to change his story as he went along, walk-back his statements and side-step accusations to the point of reaching his daily 10,000 steps and 500 calories many times over.

Laying For Living

Poor Janez Janša, he just can’t seem to catch a break. No sooner did Slovenian PM see off a somewhat flaccid, though not unnerving no-confidence challenge by Karl Erjavec (more on the aftermath in the coming days), he already started another dumpster fire, this time following a not-so-flattering article by Politico Europe’s Lili Bayer on his love-hate relationship with the media. As in, how he loves to hate them.

Janez Janša railing against Politico Europe journalist on Twitter — Marshal Twito marshaling his minions

For all his professed pro-EU stance, the Glorious Leader seems to be remarkably inept at handling himself on the European stage. Which is, well, not ideal for a guy whose crowning achievement (as per his Twitter bio) was leading the EU Council for six months in 2008. And yet, just as he fucked up royally when he went to bat for his capo Viktor Orban over the rule of law last November, so did he land in a pile of flaming dog shit this week as he and his minions went after the Politico journalist.