Some Pointers For Summer Vacation (pt. 2)

Continued from yesterday



cz.jpgCZECHS


Dead giveaways: Rather tame and unsure. Are on a par with Germans as far as lack of style is concerned.

Necessary beach accessories: Mini-fridge. Unlike Germans, who carry all sorts of exquisite cuisine in it, the Czechs carry all sorts of cheap pates. Rubber sandals. A diving mask and a snorkel, for diving in two feet of water. Low-quality inflatable pillow.

Pick-up lines: “Co to je?” They’ll probably use it to find out what dish you ordered in a restaurant and then order the same for themselves. While on the beach they use broken English, trying to tell you that the two of you can get along perfectly without much verbal communication.

The secret of success: Shyness. Plenty of women out there have an exaggerated and over evolved maternal/protecionist instincts and if anyone can trigger them – it’s the Czechs!

Evasive manoeuvres: That’s easy. Just use a cold stare. They’ll bug out immediately. They are not likely to hold a grudge, which in this case is a great plus and saves them a lot of grief.


slovenians.jpgSLOVENES


Dead giveaways: Sports-crazy, usually wearing a sporting outfit and always on the move. You’ll have a hard time finding them on the beach or in a pub. If by any chance they’re not wearing their sunglasses, you’ll have no trouble guessing their favourite brand of eyewear – Oakley, judging by the shape of white skin on their face. They will usually drive a bright-coloured car, and when they start pulling out all that sporting equipement, their ride will resemble a Sport Billy bag.

Necessary beach accessories: A surfing board in one hand, water-skis in the other, and a free-climbing rope around the belt, because you never know…

Pick-up lines: “Uh, kakšna bejba!” They used to call babes “miška”, but that’s lame now

The secret of success: Looking fit and vibrant.

Evasive manoeuvres: You don’t want to evade Slovenes, but most likely won’t get the chance anyway. Namely, they’re so self-confident and uninterested in the world around them (it’s just a posse), that you’ll have to draw them a picture if you fancy one of them. In Technicolor. But still, if you do get bored by a Slovene, show up in full make up and ask them if you can surf in a skirt. Tell them in confidence, that you don’t really like sports, that you’re not all that sociable and that you prefer a massage and a candle light dinner.


bosnians1.jpgBOSNIANS


Dead giveaways: A rather loud bunch, always merry and when talking on the phone they always scratch their ass. Inside their pants! It’s a genetically imprinted trademark, so whenever you see a guy doing that, you can be sure that at least one of his parents is Bosnian.

Necessary beach accessories: Two mobile phones and – a smile. Even if there’s only two of them, it feels like there’s a beach full of them. If you lost sight of them – check under your towel!

Pick-up lines: “Halo mačak, što ti je to naraslo? Halo, dobra! Mala, nosi bedž da ti se zna prednja strana!« Pick up lines is what they’re best at

The secret of success: Pure boyish charm. There’s no way to get rid of them roughly. They’re so charming that you’ll find it hard not to at least smile at them.

Evasive manoeuvres: Simply introduce them to your gorgeous girlfriend… 😀

Some Pointers For Summer Vacation (pt. 1)

A few pointers for those ladies who intend to spend at least a part of their summer vacation somewhere on Croatian coast. The rest of the audience – please feel to laugh… At least on the inside 😀

Got it via email in Croatian (later also seen here), so I translated and adapted it (except pick-up lines… You’ll have to learn them by heart ;))


italians.jpg ITALIANS

Dead giveaways: They’re loudest bunch on the beach by far, the most dark-skinned and dark-haired and wearing an entire goldmine around their necks. Dressed according to the latest and the boldest fashion trends. Terribly self-confident, regardless of their baldness or shape (they usually come off younger than they really are). Even sporting a huge beer-belly won’t stop them from wearing Tarzan-style swimmers.

Necessary beach accessories: Every type of creams concievable (pre-sunbathing, post-sunbathing, sunscreen, face crème, aloe vera for that cool and smooth feeling) as well as car keys, even if though they usually walk from the hotel to the beach

Pick-up lines: Che bella! Tu sei bellisima! They usually sound as if they escaped from a B-movie (i.e.: pathethic)

The secret of success: They’re stubborn and persuasive. But that doesn’t mean that they’re single or at the very least alone on vacation. To the contrary! Quite possibly, just a few metres into the shade their wife is putting their six-month-old baby to sleep.

Evasive manoeuvres: A few minutes into the conversation, state that you abhore cosmetics, that you’ve no clue about Shisseido’s latest anti-cellulite cream, that you don’t like jewellery, that you spend your days wearing jeans, that you’ve never had a manicure and that you can’t stand the hairdresser’s, so your neighbour is doing your hair.



germans.jpg GERMANS

Dead giveaways: They turn red even before they leave the shade! Besides being fair-haired and of an unhealthy light complexion, they usually move around in groups. They have no style and taste for clothes, making it highly likely that they’ll look waaay better during the day in their swimmers than in the evening, fully clad. They usually wear plastic sandals. Yuck!

Necessary beach accessories: An umbrella, mini-fridge and an inflatable pillow with a beer-holder.

Pick-up lines: Hallo Shatze! (that’s about it, because they’re very uptight, unimaginative and cold. Except when they get drunk)

The secret of success: None. Their success rate with women is humiliatingly low and usually consists of them being the prey.

Evasive manoeuvres: When asked to drink with them, proceed to explain that you’ve forgot your wallet. If they further offer you to buy you a drink (unlikely), say that you fancy some chow in that expensive restaurant by the beach. After that an uncomfortable silence will take place, upon which say how thrilled you are that you’ve stumbled on them, because (just your luck!) you’re thinking of getting a job in Germany, so maybe they’d be as kind as to get you a job in a restaurant or at least let you crash at their place for a while. Proceed to watch them split before you can say Auf wiedersehen!




dalmatians.jpgDALMATIANS (People, not dogs!)

Dead giveaways: Next to Italians, the most pompous species a beach can provide. Cosily parked nearly everywhere and should wind blow something away, they expect others (you!?) to get it for them. They wear sunglasses even during the night!

Necessary beach accessories: Their egos and a ball. Also note that they never leave the water.

Pick-up lines: “Ča je lipa/smišna ova mala!

The secret of success: Cool looks. Their eyes, hidden behind sunglasses seem to stare somewhere far beyond, making Dalmatians seem totally uninterested in you. But on the other side of the dark glass: Matrix! Their pupils zig-zagging from one object of desire to another at the speed of light, at same or greater speeds sending information to the brain where it is being stored, processed and finalized. Who ever thought of calling Dalmatians lazy!

Evasive manoeuvres: As they are attracted to “playing hard to get”, act highly available if you really want to fend them off. Immediately state your belief in love at first sight and admit that he’s the kind of guy you’ve been looking for all your life. All that needs to be done is him meeting your dad and you can get engaged – because you don’t believe in pre-marital sex!




Tomorrow: Czechs, Slovenians, Bosnians

Asshole of the Week

ass.jpg
Definitely not my ass, much less an asshole 😀


The setting: Cutty Sark Pub, post-Iron Maiden gig in Ljubljana

The cast: DJ Pengovsky as himself, putting on tunes by Led Zeppelin, The Kiss, Guns n’ Roses, Steppenwolf, The Rolling Stones, AC/DC, Dire Straits, Doors and similiar. Also present are several Iron Maiden fiends, chief among them: The Asshole, age approx. 22

The Dialogue:

Asshole: Do you have any Iron Maiden?
Pengovsky: You’re about the fourth person to ask me that, and the answer is still no.
Asshole’s Friend: Can you put on Whiskey in the Jar?
Pengovsky: Sure.
Asshole: If you don’t have Iron Maiden, what do you have?
Pengovsky: Kind of silly question, don’t you think?
Asshole: Why? I thought this was a rock&roll bar…








Sigh….

ZX Spectrum 48K

An article in Joker magazine made me take a trip down memory lane


zxspectrum.jpg
The legendary “rubber”


ZX Spectrum was the first “microcomputer” which cost less than hundred pounds and my first computer ever was the version with a ludicrous amount of memory… 48 kilobytes. Yes… that is 48 kB… Just for comparison, the laptop I’m writing this post on has 1 GB of memory. That’s 2134-times more 🙂

ZX Spectrum, a.k.a. “The Rainbow” for the rainbowish stripes in the lower right-hand corner, a.k.a. “The Rubber” for its rubbery keyboard was my brush with the world of computers – which consisted mostly of playing Manic Miner. While I could never finish the game, my father actually made it, which made him the ultimate hero of our appartament building at the time 🙂

And in case you wondered: the price tag pf a Spectrum for us “Easterners” was 4.000 deutschmarks (say, 2.000 of today’s euros)… For a computer that has less memory than a lightbulb!!!! But, on the other hand, the one in the picture still works 😀


And if you want to relive the glory days of 8-bit graphics and a sound which consisted of only a varying pitch and lenght of a “beep”, visit www.worldofspectrum.org


UPDATE: Must be a computer day…. Michael M. posted some thoughts on Linux Ubuntu which apparently is not all that it could be

The Great Ripoff Case of 2007

According to comments over at Miss Nymphe, plenty of people received much the same snail-mail over the last few days from the largest health insurance company Vzajemna. The contents of the envelope suggest that there indeed is such a thing as free lunch – although Fras seems to dispute that…

Well, he’s right, of course. There is not such thing as a free lunch.


vzajemna_ponudba.jpg
The content of the envelope – click to enlarge


For those of you who are either not in the know or are just too lazy to click on image, a brief explanation. The document consists of two part. The upper (much larger) part is an offer for an insurance plan for a period of 10 years. The plan in itself is pure bullshit, only securing you a meagre amount (EUR 15-20) of cash daily in case you get injured (and that does not mean comming down with a flu), and even that only for a period of 30 days.

The catch – as always – is in the small print. The company claims to cover the premium with monies from your “elderly reservations” (more on that shortly). But a premium of EUR 62 per annum (for a period of 10 years) totals some 300 percent more than my “elderly reservation” (in a minute, what’s the hurry?!?). And the small print states that “in case the reservations do not cover the premiums for the selected period, the client will be billed the remaining amount


The second, much smaller part of the document is about Vzajemna returning your “elderly reservations”, which is basically a small chunk of cash that was put aside every month into a fund which was supposedly intended to cover the rising costs of health of the elderly people, but also making you eligible for the same level of insurance as you grow old. These “reservations” were hugely inflated and allowed insurance companies to spend them non-transparently and were thus abolished by law in early 2006, whereas the companies were instructed to return the monies to clients forthwith.


So, while Vzajemna is forced to give back a fistful of euros (no relation), it is desperately trying to hustle its clients of that money and even make some on the side. Which would all be only deplorable if this were just another health insurance company. But this is Vzajemna, a mutual health insurance comapny, created by lex specialis, a law which deals solely with mutual health insurance.


Someone at Vzajemna should be shot and then severely interrogated.


So – how to get your money from these people? Just fill in second form and leave the first one blank – better yet, put a large red X over it.

Aha, but this proves that a free lunch does exist, I hear you scream… Well, it doesn’t. This money doesn’t come out of the blue, but it was actually skimmed of your premiums, invested, laundered and is now grudgingly given back to you… Hell, it’s not even your money! It’s someone else’s money given to you as a compensation for the fact that the fat insurance companies rolled in your cash and made paper aeroplanes out of it.

It’s Starting To Happen…

jancic02.jpg
Jančič’s days at Delo seem to be numbered


Just to follow up on Satudary’s post:

Yesterday, Laško brewery, the near-single stockholder of Delo newspaper, named a new Supervisory Board of the newspaper. The new head of the SB, Andrijana Starina Kosem, until two days ago state secretary (under-minister, if you will) at Ministry of economy announced that “certain editorial changes will be made”.

In plain-speak that means that Peter Jančič (a.k.a. The Satan) will soon be replaced.


No word on Danilo Slivnik, though – to be exact, the SB is in agreement with Slivnik’s short term plans, which include a new adpaper Total Tedna.

An Overly Elaborate Plot To Remove Janša From Power

While I obsess over Zoki’s dealings with the government, an entirely different plot is unfolding in national politics. You already know about SOVA spy scandal, but a couple of things have happened recently which put the events of the past few weeks in a totally different perspecitve:


1. Matjaž Gantar resigned as a member of Janša’s Strategic Econonimc COuncil (SECO).

gantar_matjaz.jpg
Gantar’s had a change of heart

Matjaž Gantar is one of the winners of Slovene transtition from socialism to capitalism. An enterpreneur and self-made man, he created one of the first so called “management companies” to which people entrusted their privatisation vouchers. Not being the first to do so, he picked a target population of farmers and peasants who were notoriously uniformed about what to do with the vouchers. But to actually reach his target population (and gain credibility) he aligned himself with SLS (Slovene People’s Party) which at the time near-monopolised farmers’ vote.

Gantar was thus always perceived as a right-leaning busniessman, unlike his opposite numbers in other financial institutions who were mostly pro-LDS.


2. Matjaž Gantar aligns himself with LDS

Resigning from Janša’s counciliatory body is a bobmshell. Going straight into the oppostition camp is a stab in the back. Picking a defunct, paralysed and almost clinically dead political party to align with is either tantamount to suicide or an extremely clever investment, not unlike buying undervalued stock.

Fact of the matter is that Gantar is first and foremost a businessman and a political animal only by necesity. But as investment funds craze is slowly comming to an end, he and his KD Group are looking for new means of securing a constant influx of cash. And there is only one way to do it. Buy a bank.

Gantar has had his sights on many a Slovene banks for a couple of years now. The 2004 elections and Janša’s rise to power promised to be a good omen. His affiliation to the political right was a plus, Janša’s former spokesperson Alenka Paulin was head of KD Group’s PR departement (she was named acting director of Slovene Press Agency on Friday, BTW), Gantar himself was invited to sit on SECO, he even lent a hand (and money) in government takeover of Mercator and Delo and they all looked chummy together. Fast foward two years, and he still doesn’t own a bank, as the prime target, A Banka, was snached just under Janša’s nose in late 2005 (methinks), and as plans for selling the largest bank Nova Ljubljanska Banka (NLB) to Belgian-owned KBC or anyone else were brought to a grinding halt by finance minister Andrej Bajuk.

So Gantar apparently asked around who would let him buy a bank. It seems only fitting that liberals would. Especially if it means access to a shitload of cash for a party which is struggling with a € 860.000 of bad debts.


3. Laško brewery sacked the Supervisory Board of Delo newspaper.

This was a complete surprise. Laško cooperated heavily with Janša’s government in taking over Delo newspaper. It started before Janša’s reign and while Tone Turnšek was still Laško’s CEO, but he soon retired to the company’s Supervisory Board and was succeeded by Boško Šrot, who is now largely believed to be behind Delo’s takeover.

Laško even allowed people affiliated with Janša’s party SDS to sit on the Supervisory Board, so the whole thing looked as if Laško bought Delo as a present for the new government. The new SB of course promptly installed Janša’s henchman Danilo Slivnik as paper’s CEO and he almost immediatelly went on a rampage, almost completely destroying what used to be quite a presentable paper.

But couple of days ago, as Laško completed its takeover (buying more than 94% percent of the stock), it immediatelly fired the entire SB, replacing it with its own people. That’s second knife in Janša’s back in just as many days.


4. Laško Tone Turnšek aligns himself with LDS

turnsek_tone.jpg
Turnšek is coming out of semi-retirement

OK, not a complete shocker, as Turnšek even ran on an LDS ballot in local elections, but nevertheless. He came out of retirement to align with a crippled party, which was instrumental in his creating the “soft-drinks” empire, but which he alienated (the party, I mean) in 2003 when he took over Ljubljana Union Brewery, contrary to the whishes of the LDS-ran government of Tone Rop (now a member of opposition Social Democrats).

Turnšek is also a member of “The Old Boys Network“, a informal and now largely defunct group of powerful CEOs who ruled Slovene economy until Janša came to power. This “network” was believed to be closely connected to former president Milan Kučan, Janša’s political arch-rival.


Smell a rat already? Not yet? Bear with me…


5. Little known Katarina Kresal is put forward as the new leader of LDS

kresal_katarina.jpg
From corporate lawyer to party leader

This (at least publicly) never-before-heard-of lawyer was named as a front-runner for president of LDS. Things became a little clearer as it emerged that she’s not just a partner in Miro Senica law firm, but also his real-life partner. Miro Senica is one of Slovenia’s stellar lawyers, earning a lot money and ink on well-publicised corporate and “transition” cases. He was always believed to be closely connected to powerful movers and shakers. I guess there’s no doubt about it now.


So… Those are the facts and their backgroud. And now for same brainwork…


PUTITNG TWO AND TWO TOGETGER


On one hand we now have a Liberal Democratic Party, purged of its social(ist) element (with some of its prominent members either joining the Social Democrats or forming an independent group Zares), which has suddenly arisen from the dead with a small but potentially deadly combinations of political veterans and ecnonomic heavyweights. Not only has this occured at what seems the height of Janša’s power, but it also seems to indicate that LDS has hit rock bottom and is bouncing back rapidly.

On the other hand you have the PM who failed to institute radical economic reforms, is now steeped in a spy scandal, and is desperate to pass at least one meaningful and long-term piece of legislation – the regional legislation – but will most likely fail at it, thus keeping the result of his reign at a total zero (not counting Slovenia presiding over EU in the first half of 2008, but we’ll call that a success as long as a catastrophe is averted).

jansa200705.jpg
The man needs a drink, for sure

Thirdly, we must not forget one of the few politicians who are actively pestering Janša right now (and I don’t mean The Prez). Ljubljana mayor and former (pre-Janša) CEO of Mercator Zoran Janković is also considered an economic heavywight and his political influence is considerable at the moment, especially if you take into account that a) he is close pals with former president Milan Kučan and b) Ljubljana’s voters are at the moment largely anti-Janša oriented .

Four: LDS is apparently calling in old favours and granting new ones. Turnšek and Senica have seen their heyday under the reign of LDS and the liberals in the party (the only ones to remain) have apparently reminded them of how to show their gratitude. At the same time Gantar was probably given firm assurances that he’ll be able to take over one of the larger banks, possibly A Banka.

And – last but not least – five: There is one person who at the moment remains at the political sidelines and is constantly denying any re-entry into political orbit. Former interior minister and a hero of independence war, former EU-affairs minister, a general political heayweight, once a close friend of PM Janez Janša and current CEO of Istrabenz Igor “The Bear” Bavčar.

bavcar_igor.jpg
“The Bear” just might be making a political comeback


So, try this on for size:

As Janša is losing his grip in economic and media areas, he’s desperate to cling on to power and is digging up dirt on everyone and everything, throwing mud in every direction, perhaps even trying to make an example of the ailing Prez. His tenure is more than halfway through (parliamentary elections are due in a year and a half) and his running out of time to create a politicaly legacy and clinch a (political) victory which will get him reelected – short of that, he aims to make everyone else look worse than him, starting with The Prez.

At the same time, LDS is drumming up some unlikely support, both from people who are dissapointed in Janša as well as from people who rode the gravy-train while LDS was in power. Installing a beautiful-but-inexperienced lawyer as a party leader only paves a way for Bavčar to take over party leadership sometime down the road. Suddenly, the party that was a political lepper nobody would touch with a ten-foot pole is threatening Janša’s rule by seizing his two most powerful weapons: radical economic reforms and control of one of the (still) most influential newspapers.

Should Borut Pahor of Social Democrats decide to run for President in autumn this year instead of waiting for parliamentary elections in 2008, and should he win (few people doubt that he would), a possible brawl for leadership of the political left would be averted, as Social Democrats, Liberal Democrats and both of their renegade fractions (group Zares and people around Zoran Janković, formerly known as “The Faction”) would unite under a common banner, with one goal only – to remove Janez Janša and his SDS from power. There would probably be no nominal leader of this coalition, as the true mastermind would probably remain in the shadows.


There are only two people on the political left who can mastermind such a scenario: Former LDS secretary general Gregor Golobič or former President Milan Kučan.

The way things stand now, my bet is on Kučan.

kucan_milan.jpg
Seems like Kučan’s pulling strings again


So, the question is, does Janša know (it seems he does) and what’s he doing about it?




P.S.: Some people would call this post “speculation”. I’d call it “political analysis”. I could be wrong, of course, but the truth is that the future of this scenario depends mostly on Janša. If he finds a way to neutralise it, then it may all be back to square one…