Me, yesterday (source)
The Firm™ has had an unusual increase in net-connection failuers over the last 14 days. After a week of so of constant “Turn off cable modem. Unplug. Wait 10 seconds. Recconect. Turn on. Reestablish connections” I finally gave up and called customer service of Ljubljanski kabel, our cable operator. Now, any self-respecting quasi-IT specialist will tell you that is the near-ultimate insult, because we can fix everything.
But fair’s fair and I must admit that LK’s customer service has been quite up to standards. I’ve dealt with them on a couple of occasions (like fixing a friend’s net connection) and they’ve performed admirably. For a customer service, that is. But this time it went like this:
(after being on hold for eternity, because “your call is 27th in line“)
Pengovsky: “Hi! I was wondering if you could help me. My cable modem keeps disconnecting at irregular intervals and claims that it cannot find the DHCP server”
Ljubljanski kabel: “Let me check..(tapping the keybord)… Hmmm, you do have an unusually high number of reconnects. Are you sure your firewall is set up properly?
P: “Yes….”
LK: “How about antivirus software ?”
P: “What about it?”
LK: “It could be causing problems…”
P: “Well, I’ve been using the same SW for years now and all was well until now.”
LK: “Sir, I suggest you chech your computer, because everything is normal on our side”
P: “Uh, oh…. What?”
LK: Click!
P: “Pička ti materina zahojena!!!” (translate yourself)
A week passes by and Pengovsky is none the wiser. Having checked, re-checked and re-re-checked the computer, read every motherfuckin’ forum entry about it on the net and in general doing everything short of transferring data from one server to another in a grocery bag, I start suspecting the cable modem again. The daily routine becomes dangerously familiar to the one described at the beggining and yesterday I make the call again. A different person on the other side:
P: “Hi, I called last week about my cable modem disconnecting and not being able to find the DHCP server”
LK: “Lemme check, sir… (again, the familiar sound of tapping the keyboard)… Sir, are you still using the old Thompson modems”
P: “Well, no one bothered to show up with a replacement for five years now, so I guess it is kindda old”
LK: “These modems are no longer compatible with our network. I’ll send someone with a replacement modem tomorrow morning, sir.”
P: “You do that.”
LK: “Thank you” Click
P: “Pička vam materina….Ti boš men govoru da je bil računalnik, mamicu ti jebem….” (again, translate yourself)
And now, in an hour or so, I’m expecting a new modem. Until then, it’s “Turn off cable modem. Unplug. Wait 10 seconds. Recconect. Turn on. Reestablish connections“