The Joys of Customer Service

Me, yesterday (source)

The Firm™ has had an unusual increase in net-connection failuers over the last 14 days. After a week of so of constant “Turn off cable modem. Unplug. Wait 10 seconds. Recconect. Turn on. Reestablish connections” I finally gave up and called customer service of Ljubljanski kabel, our cable operator. Now, any self-respecting quasi-IT specialist will tell you that is the near-ultimate insult, because we can fix everything.

But fair’s fair and I must admit that LK’s customer service has been quite up to standards. I’ve dealt with them on a couple of occasions (like fixing a friend’s net connection) and they’ve performed admirably. For a customer service, that is. But this time it went like this:

(after being on hold for eternity, because “your call is 27th in line“)

Pengovsky: “Hi! I was wondering if you could help me. My cable modem keeps disconnecting at irregular intervals and claims that it cannot find the DHCP server”

Ljubljanski kabel: “Let me check..(tapping the keybord)… Hmmm, you do have an unusually high number of reconnects. Are you sure your firewall is set up properly?

P: “Yes….”

LK: “How about antivirus software ?”

P: “What about it?”

LK: “It could be causing problems…”

P: “Well, I’ve been using the same SW for years now and all was well until now.”

LK: “Sir, I suggest you chech your computer, because everything is normal on our side”

P: “Uh, oh…. What?”

LK: Click!

P: “Pička ti materina zahojena!!!” (translate yourself)

A week passes by and Pengovsky is none the wiser. Having checked, re-checked and re-re-checked the computer, read every motherfuckin’ forum entry about it on the net and in general doing everything short of transferring data from one server to another in a grocery bag, I start suspecting the cable modem again. The daily routine becomes dangerously familiar to the one described at the beggining and yesterday I make the call again. A different person on the other side:

P: “Hi, I called last week about my cable modem disconnecting and not being able to find the DHCP server”

LK: “Lemme check, sir… (again, the familiar sound of tapping the keyboard)… Sir, are you still using the old Thompson modems”

P: “Well, no one bothered to show up with a replacement for five years now, so I guess it is kindda old”

LK: “These modems are no longer compatible with our network. I’ll send someone with a replacement modem tomorrow morning, sir.”

P: “You do that.”

LK: “Thank you” Click

P: “Pička vam materina….Ti boš men govoru da je bil računalnik, mamicu ti jebem….” (again, translate yourself)

And now, in an hour or so, I’m expecting a new modem. Until then, it’s “Turn off cable modem. Unplug. Wait 10 seconds. Recconect. Turn on. Reestablish connections

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Agent provocateur and an occasional scribe.

10 thoughts on “The Joys of Customer Service”

  1. Good morning to you too 🙂
    p.s. mame niso nič krive (translate yourself :))
    Good for you you’re not a woman, they would ask you things like: Do you have your a computer, is it turned on? 🙂

  2. Hmm, let me guess: the list of things done because of this modem includes the costs for a vista ultimate license? Maybe you should visit Carniola for some inspiration before you talk to them again. They wouldn’t like it if you aired this story before you air their commercials, would they?

  3. My sympathy is with you! My Thompson modem at home is almost 4 years old and obviously it’s still compatible with Telemach’s network. 🙂 But it’s good to know what is to blame if it starts having net-connection failures all of a sudden. Too bad you had to figure that our first-hand.

    I absolutely HATE helpdesks of every ICT company. They’re usually trying to think instead of you, believe that they are omnipotent and almost always underestimate you and treat you like a moron. I hate, hate, hate them and I hate T2’s helpdesk even more. 👿

  4. @Dietmar: Hehehe, I remember that clip vividly 😀

    @Morska: They do bear the weight of the world on their shoulders, don’t they? 😉

    @Sunshine: Brace yourself! :mrgreen:

    @Disablez: Hehehehehehe, I feel for you, man!

    BTW: New modem already up and running. Not as slick as the previous one (looks more like a pack of C4, but… it works! :happy:

  5. Sounds familiar. I’ve been an AMIS customer ever since the company was established (it was called ABM back then). Since it’s grown to its present dimensions, it has lost some of that personal attention quality. I can get rather bitchy when I get poor service and when I had my own customer dissatisfaction issues a few months ago, I had them fix the problem and negotiated a hefty discount. Go get your discount… :mrgreen:

  6. @pengovsky: Looks like a pack of C4, eh? Uh, are you absolutely sure that the helpdesk guy didn’t overhear what you said after the convo was finished? 🙂

    Sweden was lovely, thank you. They refused to keep me there, though, the stuck up, horned-helmet-bearing, tobacco chewing bastards! 🙂

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