Ursula von der Leyen | SLEEPING WITH PENGOVSKY

The Kos That Caught The (Enlargement) Car

Marta Kos is slated to be come the commissioner for EU enlargement in the next European Commission. The announcement was part of Ursula von der Leyen’s big reveal on Tuesday and it left Slovenian PM Robert Golob positively giddy.

Marta Kos, as she appears on the cover of her official European Commission CV. — *Marta Kos on her official European Commission CV (source)*

Despite ever-increasing evidence to the contrary, Muddy Hollows continues to see itself as something of a Balkan protector saint, when it comes to the EU. Which is why successive Slovenian governments were pining to win the enlargement portfolio over the past couple of commission cycles. Yesterday, the dog has finally caught the car. Now what?

Tomaž Vesel Dropped Like A Hot Potato. Will Marta Kos or Tanja Fajon Swoop In?

It was six months ago, almost to the day, when PM Robert Golob announced Tomaž Vesel as his party’s pick for a post in the next European Commission. And in the face of skepticism and concerns, the Big Bird was resolute in supporting the nominee. Until Friday afternoon, that is.

Marta Kos and Tanja Fajon are leading contenders for the next EU commissioner from Slovenia after Tomaž Vesel dropped out — *(L-R: Marta Kos, Tanja Fajon, Tomaž Vesel. One is not like the other two)*

Vesel wasn’t the strongest pick to begin with. But in doing what he does best, Golob was staunchly behind his man, until the moment he threw him under the bus. And so Vesel was probably as surprised as the media were yesterday afternoon, when he found out he was stepping away from the nomination. And pengovsky is only half joking there.

Janez Janša’s Letter To Ursula von der Leyen, Annotated

Oh, dear. Looks like it is that time of the year again. Birds migrate, flowers bloom and Slovenian PM Janez Janša writes letters to EU leaders. In this case, a letter to European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen.

Beggining of Janez Janša's letter to Ursula von der Leyen — *The letter, as published by the Slovenian governement’s Twitter account*

Unlike the last time around, Marshal Twito’s latest literary undertaking is mercifully light on maritime metaphors but heavy on manipulative bullshit and passive-aggressive abuse. This, of course, means it is time for a new installment of the developing sub-genre, pengovsky’s annotated readings of letters by the Glorious Leader.

Commissioner of Last Resort (part deux)

There is little doubt that Janez Lenarčič will be a very good European Commissioner for Crisis Management. There is even less doubt that Slovenian prime minister Marjan Šarec does not – to use a popular phrase – give a flying flamingo about which portfolio Commission president Ursula von der Leyen in the end assigned to Lenarčič.

In fact, it seems that rather than seeing them as missteps, PM Šarec decided his recent EU-related faux pas were in fact great successes and were to be repeated rather than avoided. Talk about learning the wrong lesson…

Commissioner of Last Resort

Janez Lenačič, the (current?) Slovenian nominee for commissioner in the upcoming European Commission, had his first hearing in the Slovenian parliament yesterday. As the nomination process is wholly within the government purview, the parliamentary hearing is mostly a dog-and-pony show, intended to appease the grandstanding urges of MPs. Nevertheless, the non-binding vote finally brought to an end to the latest case study in how not to manage human resources.

*Marjan Šarec (left) and Janez Lenarčič (source*)

To say that the entire episode was a shitshow deluxe would be a bit of an understatement. It is incredibly ironic how PM Marjan Šarec was ever so vocal about the bizarre spectacle of shambolic commissioner nomination Muddy Hollows endured in 2014 and yet ended up pretty much in the same place Alenka Bratušek and later Miro Cerar ended up in five years ago.