Category: Guest Blog

In light of today’s friendly between Belgium and Slovenia in Genk, dr. Arf prepared another guest post which I’m more than happy to publish. Not in the least because I’m having trouble keeping with the regular pace of posting (which I think is pretty obvious). Things will improve, however, as things are heating up yet again within the coalition. More on that tomorrow, as well as the fate of Croatian NATO membership bid.

And now for something completely different

Twenty-two guys chasing a single ball and selling enormous quantities of beer in the process 😈

(If you are a football enthusiast with no sense of humor (although, in my opinion the one automatically confirms the other), please look away now)

The nation known as Belgium, as you all know after having read my �?Belgium Explained To Slovenes’ guest posts, is fractured to the point of breaking up, but it – or rather, the football adoring sheep that populate it and they are many – comes together whenever the national team is playing. And why? To see them lose and have the national coach explain that it a) was undeserved, b) the ref was unfair, c) they didn’t do all too bad in spite of the loss. Or, in a more positive scenario, have him declare a draw to be a major victory for the team (“We’re doing better”; “team spirit is great” etc…). Anyhoo, I vowed to never, ever watch an entire football match while being conscious and sound of mind for the rest of my life, just like I’m doing everything in my power (up to putting fingers in my ears whenever an unsuspecting or foolhardy DJ is torturing me with a song of theirs) to avoid being subjected to music by The B*****s. But the latter is an altogether different story, best served in a bar along with several helpings of certain alcoholic beverages…

So why this hatred and utter disdain for football? Because football, my dear Pengovsky.com readers, ruined my childhood. It permeated through every aspect of my childhood in a negative way. Friendships were forged and/or lost on the high school playground, depending on which team you favoured. If you had none, had two left feet to boot and a lot of book knowledge, you were a nerd in the making and hence not deemed worthy to run with the alpha males in the making. I was lucky enough to have only one left foot (the right one apparently was good for kicking round, blown up pig skin in whatever direction it needed to go very accurately, even though I’m born a left hander and footer), and survival instinct compelled me to join in supporting the biggest team in Belgium (Anderlecht, nothing has changed since, even though they try their best to fuck up, I am told). But I was also bookish and smart. And my real sports were cycling and tennis. Not the most wowing sports in those days – save for one Eddy Merckx who was cycling in the Autumn of his career by then but was and still remains the greatest cyclist of all time (sorry, Tadej Valjavec 😉 ) and Björn Borg being the Swede everyone knew as the Eddy Merckx of tennis.

Football also ruined any hope of family respectability. Whenever there was football on TV, my granddad commandeered the thing and we had to sit in silence while he and his sons gazed at the black and white screen. And this was usually at the time when my favourite music programs were on. This did not help my growing antipathy towards what I considered to be one of the most boring sports of all (besides golf and curling). Even watching grass grow, I felt and still feel, is more interesting than this sport. Or what to think about having to sit through all the match results of all leagues being read over national radio (yes, ALL of the eight leagues, 18 matches each) while having Sunday dinner. It made the most boring day of the week even infinitely more boring. I think that’s when I became suicidal, which only passed after having been abstinent of this overblown and overhyped game for at least a decade.

Because that’s what it is : an overblown and overhyped game, with twenty overpaid sissies – who manage to roll over and act out certain death when being slightly touched by an opponent and then call this �?strategy’ – running after a ball and two trying to catch it when it’s shot towards them. There is a scene in a Simpsons episode (stemming from when the WC �?soccer’ was played in the USA, if I recall correctly) where the sheer boredom of watching this is perfectly illustrated. Art imitating life. I love it. But then, one single Simpsons episode displays more intelligence and excitement than the entire Champion’s League season.

“Why”, I can hear you think, “am I reading this here?” Simple : Belgium is playing Slovenia tonight, which compels me to break my vow, if for nothing else than to support the team of the country I feel more at home at than my own. And I hope I will derive no small amount of satisfaction when the Slovene team kicks Belgium’s team’s ass into oblivion. Please do, �?tis only just…

N.B.: this is the final post in the series by dr. Arf. To say that the series enriched this blog would be a gross understatement. The great Michael M. once compared yours truly with the Slovenian Wikipedia. However my knowledge of things past and present is puny compared to that of Dr. Arf and if I had any respect for the man and his wisdom I’d hide in a corner every time he enters the room. However, as a bodacious and irresponcible agent provocateur that I am (again, as described by the man who gave us Carniola.org), I (with the help of commentators and fellow bloggers) lured dr. Arf into writing this series and I can only begin to thank him for taking us on this journey.

It began on June 26th 2007. It’s been fun, at times even emotional and hardcore almost to the point of calling the whole thing off, but in the end everything worked out well. Thanks, man! And I hope you’ll treat us to some more of your writing in the near future. And I ain’t talking about comments. Capisce?

LESSON 10: THE FINAL

This Is The End

Since I’ve finally come to the end of this guest series (do I hear a sigh of relief there?), I’m just going to round up various news items and close off with a final assessment before bidding farewell. I would like to extend my eternal gratitude to Pengovsky, who himself is a blogger extraordinaire (once again proven by recent posts about Zoki and the Open Letter To Borut Pahor, to name but a few stand-out examples, not to mention his weekly FF and – not so weekly 😉 – MMM posts) for giving me this opportunity to blog…

Various news items

– Last Monday, the 24th, the VRT and VTM news desks received a DVD, containing an admonition by Men Whose Face Were Wrapped In Towels, forcibly waving arms and pointing fingers upward (and using their left hand, which is apparently an insult in their culture), but with their message in subtitles and instead of the audio version, an a capella song, which seems to be a hit among the Youtube crowd, whose main concern in half the comments seems to be where they can download this cool tune (I happen to agree it is a cool tune, although the lyrics may be less favourable to an anti-religious Pagan like me) and the fact that somewhere in the song, with a bit of good will and a dirty mind, one can hear �?dikke vagina’ (Flemish/Dutch for �?fat vagina) being sung repetitively. Our national security agency confiscated the DVD’s to determine whether or not this message is a joke, compiled from downloaded internet sources (which isn’t that unlikely), or a genuine threat of terrorist attacks in Belgium, due to our involvement in Afghanistan (for which we have War Monger par excellence and minister of defence Pieter De Crem to thank). You can watch the footage in question here. Subtitles are in Dutch, and I can’t be arsed to translate this kind of terrorist religious tripe, whether it’s serious or not. The gist of it is : “Get out of Afghanistan or we’ll bomb you, you western pigs who cling onto life and impurity when we love purity and death etc.” blah blah blah… Still, that tune is cool.

– Coming back to the Vl. Pro débâcle, last night, after writing the blog post about it, I watched Bert Anciaux (pictured above; the grey haired chappy) being interviewed in the news magazine Ter Zake (�?On the Case’, a rather bad translation, I admit, because it could also mean �?But Seriously’ but that doesn’t sound too, eh, serious) by the Hottest News Journalist This Side Of The Language Border, Annelies Beck (rather unflattering yet sufficiently illustrating pic above, to the left of the unflattering grey haired chappy). Dear old Bert behaved perfectly the way I predicted. With a pained scowl on his face, like he had a spikey rod permantely inserted up his rectum, he proceeded to explain that he wanted to retain his ministerial post at all cost �?because he wanted to actively change something’ and not be sidelined. In other words : our self appointed idealist, who started ID21/Spirit/Vl.Pro out of idealism, used this idealism to justify his impending move – of course not confirming it just yet – to SP-a. Bert, above all else, wants to be in the thick of the power circles. To �?do something’. He didn’t say what, though. So when the chips are down, he jumps ship. What an idealist. Not that it’s surprising, though. I recall him when still being chairman of VU, being very disappointed in national politics (because he couldn’t �?do something) and moving on to try to get elected at the European level because, and I quote, he was �?sick of national politics’. But when the CVP (predecessor to CD&V that was permanently in power with various coalition partners for over 50 years, as I explained a few posts back) surprisingly lost the elections, Anciaux insisted his party’s elected officials step aside to enable him to return to the national politics he so despised. Yes, because he could �?do something. That’s when he became minister of Culture for the very first time and as predicted, it was a disaster. So if nothing else, Bert Anciaux is at least consistent, just as I wrote a few hours prior to his interview with that scrumptious Annelies Beck.

– Minister of Foreign Affairs Karel De Gucht (VLD, pic with spouse Mireille) is in all sorts of trouble : not only is he being named in a bank stock scandal (his wife sold Fortis stocks just a few hours before this bank was sold to NBP Paribas as a direct result of the Credit Crunch, which implies he could have passed on this – secret – info, as it was the government who negotiated the deal), he’s also personan non grata in the Democratic Republic of Congo, because he very diplomatically, called their government corrupt. Unsurprisingly, he’s not welcome in the DRC anymore. Not that anyone would want to go there, with sadly yet another genocide happening as we speak…

– The Case Of The Three Francophone Mayors of the villages in the B-H-V region drags on and on. Flemish Interior ministers Marino Keulen (VLD) refused to appoint them for the second time in succession, prompting another outburst of outrage out of the francophone parties, who predictably threatened to blow up the federal negotiations concerning the state reform, even though these appointments were not an issue on the negotiating table, as they are, in effect a regional issue. To recap the problem : these are francophone mayors who refuse to implement and adhere to Flemish regional law concerning the Flemish towns they were elected in by the francophone majority living there. The francophone parties would like to usurp these Flemish territories into the mainly francophone Brussels region, which, of course, is a serious bone of contention over here in the north.

And there you have it…

All that isn’t well doesn’t end well and Belgium, by and large, isn’t well. Credit crunches, recessions, banks in trouble, the country still on the verge of a split and politics as usual.
I just hope I’ve managed to give a bit more insight into this enigma of a country, even if it didn’t manage to clear up anything, but rather scratch your head in bewilderment even more than before…

DR. ARF

LESSON IX : THE REGRESSION OF FLEMISH PROGRESSIVES (OR : THE PARTY THAT NEVER WAS)

Another kartel down the tubes

Since yesterday, Wednesday the 25th of November, the death bell is tolling over the Vlaamse Progressieven (Flemish Progressives) party and its kartel with the socialists of SP-a. The party is on the verge of collapse as a result of their last party chairman, Bettina Geysen, stepping down because she is under investigation for misuse of funds when she was net manager at the national television station VRT. Ironically, she had to step away from this televisional garden, because she was in a relationship with VRT head honcho Aimé Van Hecke, raising suspicion of subjectivity. It seems everywhere she goes, Bettina raises suspicion and causes controversy and division. However, in both cases she maintains the accusations were and are unfounded. Nevertheless, she felt she should immediately step down. *In the voice of previewman Don LaFontaine* In a time, when Belgian politicians refuse to step down until proven guitly, one has to wonder why she retreated so hastily…

Vlaamse Progressieven who?

The obvious question you’re asking yourselves now is “Who the fuck are the Vlaamse Progressieven? Did we miss something in your previous posts, ARF?” Not quite.

See, when explaining to you the political landscape in all its fragmented ugliness, I failed to mention that socialist party SP-a had a kartel partner, which once upon a time was called Spirit and even before that, came to life as a �?project’ called ID 21 (Idea, ehm, 21) within the uneasy confines of de Flemish Nationalist party of yore, de Volksunie (People’s Union). Much like Vl. Pro today, the VU was split in half ideologically by the turn of the century, split between the idealists of project leader and long time party chairman Bert Anciaux, who wanted a more progressive kind of nationalism, and the �?old school’ nationalists, spearheaded by Geert Bourgeois and, ultimately, Bart De Wever. When the rift within VU was too great to keep the party going, it split into the by now well known NV-A of Bourgeois and De Wever on the one hand and ID21 on the other. Soon after the split, ID changed its name into Spirit, an equally uninspiring name for a party made up of possibly well meaning idealists, but with no political relevance or program, even if they thought they did have merit.

The person to blame here, is Bert Anciaux. A man with the burning ambition and idealistic passion of an overgrown boy scout, a lot of emotional capabilities, but alas, no political weight to speak of. Much unlike his father Vic, who helped the former VU to greater heights in the �?70’s. Anciaux, by now, is minister of Culture in the Flemish government for the second time (his first term was in the federal government) and his policies are as disastrous to the cultural sector as the Dubya Regime’s on the US of A. I’m all for idealism, but since being a musician means that the cultural policy of the Flemish and federal governments are hitting close to home, I can say I have absolutely no love for this man and wished he wouldn’t have gone beyond being a boy scout leader.
Clearly, Anciaux is a perfect example of the political dynastic succession. He inherited a sound party, managed to break it up in less than 10 years and then started a party that had no future, unless… they allied themselves with a bigger party. And as such, the alliance SP-a/Spirit was born.

The problem with Spirit being the weak brother of the alliance were manyfold : to political observers as well as anyone with half a brain, Sp-a entered into this alliance in the knowledge they would be the bigger party and would make, in essence, Spirit’s contribution null and void. Despite how they packaged it, all they really needed, were the votes that Anciaux and some of his party members could bring them, in order to win elections. Spirit, or rather Anciaux, would in turn be placated with a ministerial post and so it happened. SP-a managed to win two federal and one regional elections, the Spiritists (as they were called by the media; a rare example of well used irony and/or sarcasm) got their ministerial posts and faded into public oblivion, with the exception of their new party chairman at the time, Geert Lambert, who got more air time and copy than Anciaux, not for his political skills, but because the man wore thick lime green rimmed spectacles (I feel �?glasses’ would be too euphemistic a word to use in this case) and was so morbidly obese, his body threatened to attract its own satellite planet. Lambert now has a gastric band and looks a lot healthier, but the glasses stayed. He himself didn’t stick around as party chairman and in 2007, Spirit chose a new one, which was outsider Bettina Geysen, whom, as mentioned, was on the lookout for a new project after having been pressured to leave our national media giant with the Slovene botanically challenged acronym.

Geert Lambert, pre- gastric band

Bettina’s first year was equally unspectacular, compared with the other years in which Spirit was absolutely invisible to the masses (possibly obscured by the immense shadows cast by Anciaux’ ego and Lambert’s physique). In order to put Spirit back on the map, she, having been well versed in this field due to her media experience, pulled a couple of marketing stunts, one of which – see pic above – was to appear dressed in a hijab (for those Islamicly challenged : a muslim headdress). She then proceeded to change Spirit’s name “as no one really remembered what it stood for”. She, and the party hot shots, chose the very unimpressive �?Vlaamse Progressieven’, in order to distinguish themselves from their socialist kartel partner.
They further wanted to distinguish themselves from SP-a, by �?speaking out more individually on the issues at hand’ and calling themselves �?left win liberals’. Sadly, only 0.6% of the Belgian – and largely Flemish – populace was interested in what Vl. Pro had to say and the party that never actually was one struggled immensely to keep its head above water in the run-up to next year’s regional elections, until Bettina resigned because of that investigation, of which she claims all charges are unfounded, but still resigned �?for the good of the party’. All the while, SP-a looked on silently, waiting to move in for the kill.

And the outcome is…

The outcome, my dear Slovene readers, is that The Party That Never Was, never will be the party which it set out to become. Last night, 68% of the party voted against being absorbed into SP-a. The absorption was Anciaux’s stance, Lambert wants to move on alone, still believing their �?left wing liberal’ policies have merit. Others came out in public, saying everyone should look each other deep in the other one’s eyes and call it a day. Sadly, political power, no matter how faint, is addictive and so Vl. Pro faces the daunting task of surviving the electional threshold of 5% next year. Lambert said they would still want to work with SP-a, but on their own terms.
Not surprisingly, SP-a chairman Caroline Gennez – the politica with the most sexy voice of all of Belgium’s politicae – stated that Vl. Pro should wake up and smell the coffee. After which Bert Anciaux and other prominents who have a stake in the Flemish government announced today, that they would keep working with SP-a, therefor directly opposing their own party’s last night’s decision. Once again, Bert Anciaux is leading the undoing of a party, but this time, it’s a party that sprang forth from his own idealism and never really got beyond that stage…

DR. ARF