The Alternative President

It’s been 72 hours since The Donald was sworn in as the 45th US president and it is already clear that the next three-to-four years are going to be. So. Much. Fun.

I mean, yes, it will not be pleasant, to say the least. But the US will recover. Let’s not forget just how indignant the same crowd (more or less) was when Dubya was appointed president in 2000. Many people were freely using the term coup d’etat at that point. And indeed, this has brought at least two wars, human suffering beyond belief and an economic catastrophe of biblical proportions. True, it wasn’t all George W.’s responsibility and when shit hit the fan economically, it was the black man left holding the bag, but there you go.

What is funny, however, is how all of a sudden W. went from The Worst President in US History to Not So Terrible President in US History in a matter of weeks. At least according to Twitter 😀

But in reality it wasn’t the tax returns. Or that shady Russia business. Or the unwillingness to divest. Or even the private security detail. No, what really made the last 72 hours special was the sheer pettiness and insecurity of it. Period.

Crowd size. Ratings. Hand size (what a classic!). The size of just about anything he could get his eyes or hands on. Like the number of times he was on the cover of Time magazine. It is as if there’s a pattern (*giggle*).

Someone should tell The Donald that it’s not the size that matters but how you use it. The presidency, I mean.  Just take a look at this NYT video of the man at the CIA HQ in Langley, VA on Saturday:

Tl;dr: The man can’t keep his focus for more than thirty seconds and can’t go more than forty-five without talking about himself, more often than not in third person.

While we’re on the issue, there was a striking similarity between the prepared statement Trump’s press secretary Sean Spicer delivered on Saturday (the “alternative facts” on inauguration crowd size) and the off-handed manner in which Trump tried to get rid of the birther issue before the election. Both contain the “This is what happened. Period.” approach. This gives credence to reports that Spicer delivered the statement on behalf of The Donald rather than trying to rip the media a new one in his own capacity. Not that this is an excuse of some sort, but it does suggest that the newly minted president of the United States is not used to hearing a dissenting opinion. Things are as he says they are and that’s the end of it. Sure, it may work well in an episode of The Apprentice, but life is about to come fast at Donald Trump.

Yes, there may be a method to his rambling. The “alternative facts” approach might be designed to challenge the notion of the truth itself rather than just lie through his teeth. It may be, as Jack Shafer notes in this wonderful read, that he is actively looking to steal the thunder wherever he can and keep himself on top of the media cycle at all times, but this only reiterates the aspect of insecurity that emanates from The Donald and his team (with the possible exception of Darth Vader Steve Bannon) as they take over the reins of power. Or order cake.

The need to be the best, the first, the largest, the strongest and the most intelligent and the inevitable tweet-meltdowns when any of the above are challenged are so wonderfully childish that it is becoming obvious that The Donald merely misspoke when he said on Saturday that he feels thirty-nine years old.

What he meant was that he feels three-to-nine years old.

With this in mind and taking stock of the first three days of the Trump presidency, one cannot but look forward to the State of the Union address and the White House Correspondents Dinner.


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Agent provocateur and an occasional scribe.

One thought on “The Alternative President”

  1. There’s much comedy gold to be had, for sure, but our new orange overlord has also forced me to:
    – regular fremdschäming (you know, the German word for being ashamed for someone else)
    – hate the fact that his name still pops up first thing in the morning news
    – find so much déjà vu unbearable (Day of Patriotic Devotion?!?)
    – wonder whether there’s enough room in my flat to take in Melanija in all secrecy
    – wonder how come so many people don’t/didn’t know the simple yet devastating mechanics of a narcissist’s brain cell? Surely there was enough experience with this kind of personality to be had by now? I thought we had all agreed such people shouldn’t lead. My bad. Sad.

    Anyway, as much as I am allowed to feel smug because he offers such a good contrast to all that ever mattered to me, it is a very uneasy smugness. Especially since I wonder whether narcissism/stupidity will now gain the upper hand in other countries as well and the world becomes really unbearable.
    Makes me dream of an alternative planet. But I’ll be laughing, that’s for sure 🙂

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