sex and politics

Some of you might remeber me teasing Dr. Arf about continuation of his legendary series. He promised to do something about it and he delivered a day later. It was me who forgot to publish his post in - well - post-election frenzy. I’m trully sorry.

Here it is, Dr. Arf’s eight installment of Belgium Explained To Slovenes (And Whoever Else) In Ten Easy Lessons!!!

LESSON VIII : YOUR VERY OWN EU BANANA MONARCHY

A quick recap

When I posted last, we – that is the nation called Belgium – were on the verge of having a government that reflected the results of the national election held on June 10th, 2007. Yves Leterme, being the clear winner, and his christian democratic party CD&V’s kartel with Flemish nationalist party NV-A, up to that point had succeeded in creating a jumble of a government with Flemish and Walloon liberals (the latter sporting their own francophone nationalist kartel partner in FDF and their Maximo Lidér and political pyromaniac Olivier Maingain) and christian democrats (headed by ‘Madame Non’ Joëlle Milquet). After some intestinal and political blood letting, Leterme finally succeeded in installing a formed government around Easter. And not much else. Virtually nothing else, actually.

Where are we now?

The obvious question you’re asking yourselves now is “Why?”, possibly followed by “How is this even possible [in a country that is supposed to be a shining example of peaceful coexistence of two cultures within the EU framework]?”. And you’re not wrong if you shake your head to such a blatant display of political unwillingness to actually govern the country when consumer confidence is at an all time low and economy is in serious regress. Sometimes you wish you just had a corrupt PM to deal with instead of this mess…

Remember, the main focus of the winning parties was state reform, giving more executive power to the regional governments. This would weaken the position of the national government, creating a so called confederal system. The Walloon politicians, long time beneficiaries of Flemish ‘financial solidarity’ went into a panic frenzy at the mere suggestion. Consequently sabotaging any negotiations by demanding the impossible – and banking conveniently on the fact NV-A would never agree to these demands, providing them with the perfect scapegoat to keep the sabotage process going – and at the same time turning down any demands made on the Flemish side (where the same game is being played; all’s fair in war and politics), these negotiations went nowhere. State reform was put on the back burner to allow the government to at least put on its game face, pretending to actually govern the country… which it didn’t. War hawk defence minister De Crem (CD&V) sent four (yes, FOUR) F-16 jet fighters to support the U.S. peace winning effort (sic) in Afghanistan and will send logistical forces for the fighters in the form of ground troops. And the finance minister, MR’s head honcho Didier Reynders managed to downplay the rather sizable hole in the budget. And then they went on a holiday, leaving the problem of the state reform in the hands of three royally appointed negotiators.

For some reason, these negotiators were all selected from the francophone political world, up to and including the German speaking minority, represented by their PM Karl-Heinz Lambertz, who took the opportunity to step into the media limelight on behalf of his own community, but did not come up with a solution. Neither did the other Wise Men From The South. Neither gold nor incense or myrrh and certainly no definite proposals to effectively get out of the stalemate. Just rehashed statements, diametrically opposing the agreements made between the representatives on both sides of a regional task force; the next effort for a political deus ex machina to save state reform negotiations, instigated by Flemish PM Kris Peeters (CD&V). To add insult to injury, the aforementioned Didier Reynders, who also happens to be vice PM and god in the deepest of his private thoughts (not quite a stretch for a liberal politician, as you might imagine), said last Friday that a state reform negotiation wouldn’t happen anyway until after the regional election of 2009.

This hardly came as a surprise, since Reynders had made public he was starting to campaign for these elections two weeks ago, thus effectively undermining any decision making power this non-government still had between now and those elections. Not surprisingly, NV-A cried havoc over the weekend and decided by unanimous vote that they had lost their confidence in this government and any attempts at state reform negotiations at their party congress yesterday. It seems September 21st wasn’t only the official day the leaves can start falling; façades are crumbling as well. SP.A, whom so far remained dead silent, licking their wounds while their party leaders were attending the Democratic Convention in the U.S. to see Barack Obama accepting his nomination to run (a delegation of the Flemish liberals VLD were also attending), called for the only NV-A minister in the Flemish government, Geert Bourgeois, to resign, possibly opening the way for them to step from opposition back into power regionally after having suffered a severe defeat nationally last year.

And the outcome is…

Geert Bourgeois did resign today, saying that if the trust in the government isn’t there anymore, the kartel is dead as well, which sent CD&V into a tailspin. They would lose their majority hold both nationally as well as regionally, so understandably they’re saying the kartel isn’t over just yet and they’ll get together with NV-A on Tuesday to pick up the political pieces. Both Flemish and Walloon liberals are shouting out their joy about NV-A ‘showing its true colours’, as are the French socialists, but is this really a day of joy? Has the main opposing factor really gone? I’m quite certain this is not the case. FDF is still putting gasoline on the fire by demanding the Flemish suburbs of Brussel to become part of the capital (read : claiming the Flemish region surrounding Brussels as francophone in principle) and not splitting up the electoral region Brussel – Halle - Vilvoorde (which means francophone politicians can’t campaign and get votes in these Flemish suburbs anymore), as mandated by the Belgian Supreme Court, since not splitting the electoral region is unconstitutional. Of course, losing such an electorate potential by splitting the region is a severe blow to the Walloon politicians, not to mention it undermines any claims for usurping the suburbs into the largely francophone Brussel. It’s a political hot potato they are willing to keep dishing up and blatantly ignoring the country’s constitution for.

To my mind, if politicians want their constituents to adhere to the law, they should lead by example. Clearly, when their political power is at stake, they’re willing to ignore that, not surprisingly. When push comes to shove, there is no respect for either the constitution or that part of the Belgian people and their territory that is not their own. So to my mind, it’s not just NV-A who’s been throwing a spanner in the works all this time, well over fifteen months now. The end result of all this political manvoeuvering is a further disintegration of the Belgian nation and constituents on both sides of the language barrier who are growing tired of it all. In the words of the late Jim Morrison : the future’s uncertain and the end is always near…

DR. ARF

He’s back, ladies and gentlemen! Dr. Arf has resurfaced to continue his legendary series about Belgium and its woes. Will Belgium disintegrate and steal the limelight from Kosovo, or will the most European of EU members get its act together and keep going? Find out in the latest installment of dr. Arf’s Belgium Explained To Slovenes (And Whoever Else ) In Ten Easy Lessons!

LESSON VII : HOW TO MESS UP YOUR CHANCES OF BECOMING BELGIUM’S NEW GOVERNMENT/PM IN FIVE EASY NEWSPAPER ARTICLES

Yes, Dr. ARF is finally back with the concluding entries to the ‘Belgium’ saga. I’ve been overcome with work lately, and there simply was no time left to write blog entries. But I know our P.’s own blog posts were interesting enough to not make you miss mine too much.

Yves Leterme

SO, HOW’S BELGIUM DOING RIGHT NOW?

It’s still loads of fun here, politically speaking. Why? Because, unlike the generations preceding them, the Modern Day Elected have a really big problem with keeping their mouths shut; especially to the media. Whereas former government formation negotiations bore an uncanny resemblance to the Vatican choosing a new pope behind closed doors and with no outside communications, nowadays we find they can’t seem to leave their Blackberries and mobile phones alone. I’m amazed none of their wives (or husbands) have threatened with impending divorce yet. “You love that Blackberry more than me!!!” Oh well, in that case, our supposed new leader, Yves Leterme, still has his goat. But still, how is ‘ol’ Eve’ doing government wise?

THE GOVERNMENT THAT JUST WON’T GET INTO OFFICE

Not so well, as it happens. The Walloon politicians already hated his guts and chastised his party, CD&V, every chance they got for getting together with the Flemish Nationalists of NV-A. Not only political Wallonia hated his guts, the Wallonian media liked him as much as a hole in the head, much to his chagrin. Over the course of last year’s negotiations, Leterme became known for his public chastising (we Belgians are masochists by nature, due to this age old inferiority complex) of the French speaking media. It even went so far that he berated the francophone national broadcast corporation RTBf and generally adopted an attitude of ‘you’re my buddies, the only ones I can trust’ toward its Flemish counterpart, VRT; seemingly a garden of delights for our Yves in those days.

Be that as it may, the result of the negotiations was absolute zero. Sure, they had a few partial agreements, a think tank would pore its combined brain cells over the illustrious state reform in the upcoming months, but a government, or a national budget? Sorry, constituents. We’ve lost too much time bickering and whining to the press to get to that. Mea maxima culpa. NOT.

So it was off to our good king Albert II for a – I lost count – third time (cautious estimate) for another round of talks. I won’t bore you with the details, but the end of it all was that we did get a prime minister and a cabinet : Guy Verhostadt, acting PM, would continue until Easter, Match 23rd, by which time the parties who won the elections way back when (I vaguely recall it was some time in June) would have sufficient agreements to start governing. You’d think they’d all sit in silence and work towards that goal. Not so. The Flemish liberal VLD ministers are trying to enforce new elections by constantly criticizing their future government partners, especially Yves Leterme – who landed a minister post in the interim government, as well as being vice – PM - and in fact do a better job at criticizing their own government than the opposition! And of course, all negotiation partners had to honour their agreement with the press to go over the botched negotiations with a fine tooth comb. And this week, it seemed some, if not all, took that a bit too literal…

WE LOVE THE PRESS

This week, the De Standaard newspaper – once upon a time the reference for conservative christian integrity and thus of christian democrat persusasion – is publishing a series about the botched government negotiations. Some tenors had already given interviews with other media, but this was different, as the newspaper had agreed with all key players to go over the whole period and give insight into the negotiations. I don’t read newspapers, so I was oblivious to the whole thing, until a massive row ensued, which had the media in uproar. Not only did the interviewed dignitaries talk about their negotiations, it also seemed they showed the journalists text messages from one politician to another, blackberry conversations and – stop the presses!!!! – literal quotes from their talks with King Albert II. Even worse, they quoted him, while he is supposed to maintain a public neutrality! The shock!! The horror!!

See, Albie said a couple of things that certain parties would take exception to, like, suggesting to Yves Leterme to cut loose NV-A, because he didn’t like them weighing on the negotiations. Much to the chagrin of said party, Ol’ Eve admitted NV-A were a millstone around his neck and would like nothing more. See, there’s a protocol for these matters, called ‘Colloque Singulier’, which kind of means ‘Private Conversation’. If the monarch can’t have such talks with the politicians without having them published virtually the next day, he is unable to say anything to anyone anymore, because he has to maintain said neutrality at least in public. Mark Eyskens (CD&V, retired), having been PM himself, as was his father, said in an interview these leaks were deliberate attempts to discredit the monarchy. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s right, but on the other hand, I am a republican, thus have no love for it anyway.

I do, however, feel that this leaking has gone several bridges too far. If you agree to maintain silence about something, you should. Not one politician in this whole ordeal has adhered to any agreement made about the confidentiality of the negotiation talks, be it amongst themselves or with the monarch. Now, I know leaks are part and parcel of the political game, but what has transpired here of the past nine months is so out of line that it definitely hindered the government formation and we’re now having a ridiculous farce that’s called an interim government, led by the Guy who should have been the former PM by now and although the Easter date is being held up as the installment date of the ‘real’ new government, the recent events clearly show that the path towards it is rocky, narrow and full of holes. Not surprisingly, Yves Leterme is being made scape (the man should stop breeding the beasties, it’s way too easy to make jokes about this :P) of the whole series in De Standaard. So much, even, that editor in chief Peter Vandermeersch had to come to his defense and state that all key players contributed to the series, so it wasn’t just Leterme who gave insight into his Blackberry records and his private talks with King Albert II.

In short, you wouldn’t believe it if you didn’t see it. Politicians, virtually rolling across the floor fighting amongst each other, in order to get the upper hand like children in a playground. And meanwhile, the country just rolls on as if it doesn’t need a government anyway. Day to day lives aren’t being affected by all this, which to some observers begs the question whether we still need a government at all. I say we do, if only to counter the outgrowths of globalized economies and a perfidious capitalist system (and no, I’m not a commie bastard; I just call it like I see it). But this is a display so shameful, I’m starting to long for the Stalinist manner of government and corrupt administration days of the 70’s and 80’s…

By the way, Yves Leterme this week said he’d find it ‘uncouth’ if he wouldn’t be PM of the Easter Government. Yah, sure, Eve; whatever you say…

Dr. ARF

LESSON VI : AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY RECENT : THE GOVERNMENT NEGOTIATIONS – BELGIUM’S FINAL DEATH BLOW?

(Picture : PhotoNews)

At first I was having a laugh about everything that happened at the so- called government formation talks since the last elections. But I’m not laughing anymore, as day after day, it becomes crystal clear that Flanders and Wallonia are digging their political trenches instead of trying to find common ground. A recap…

WALLOONS AREN’T INTELLECTUALLY CAPABLE OF LEARNING FLEMISH

… is what our current formation leader and CD&V spearhead Yves Leterme said in a pre-election interview the… Wallonian media. Having allied themselves with the Flemish nationalist/separatist party NV-A (no, not the Viet Cong, but Nieuwe Vlaamse Alliantie (New Flemish Alliance)) in a cartel – not to traffic drugs from Colombia, but to win elections, which they did – the CD&V created unrest in Wallonia, where the politicians firmly said they would never accept Leterme – who is half Walloon by way of his father – as prime minister, because he demanded the in Wallonia much dreaded state reform, which would divide federal funding and authorities for several departments – like social security, something that doesn’t sit well in Wallonia, where unemployment is rife – to the regions. Walloons persistently present this state reform as ‘a hollowing out of the federal structure’. Furthermore, he made the statement above, which resulted in a media witch hunt where everything Leterme says is being perceived as an anti-walloon and anti national government sentiment. Try to lead formation talks that way…

LETERME SINGS (AND IT MIGHT BE THE BLUES EVENTUALLY)

Everything Leterme says and does is scrutinized. Take, for instance, the fact that a TV journalist from RTBF asked him on the national holiday (July 21st ) if he knew the national anthem and if he could sing it. In response, Leterme sang… La Marseillaise . Huge cause for consternation down South, as ‘Leterme doesn’t even know the ‘Brabançonne’ is our national anthem, so he doesn’t care about this country!’.

The incriminating clip

Fact : 99% of the Belgian populace DO NOT KNOW THEIR OWN NATIONAL ANTHEM. Could have something to do with the fact that it’s not a drinking song (which I find infinitely cooler, kudos Slovenija!), but in fact, Flemings and Walloons only come together as Belgians at sports manifestations. It went so far that the Belgian Football (that is soccer to y’all Yanks :P) Association instructed the players for the national team to learn the lyrics by heart because they could be seen mumbling something or other or not moving their lips altogether when the national anthem was played before the matches (but they keep losing anyway :twisted:). So while Leterme probably doesn’t differ from his fellow countrymen on both sides of the language border, his leadership capabilities are as much in question in Wallonia as Bill Clinton’s were during the Lewinsky Affair. The long and short of it is that in neither case their leadership capabilities should be questioned, because they have nothing to do with it.
SO WILL STATE REFORM BE THE UNDOING OF BELGIUM?

There is no way of knowing just yet, but there is a real crisis. The Wallonian politicians find the Flemish demands for thorough state reform unacceptable, especially the aforementioned social security as well as fiscality (it is true that Wallonian policy makers are a bit more, erm, creative when it comes to taxes and more lenient toward those ducking them). So they launched a counter proposition, in which among other things they wanted to redefine the position of Flemings in Brussel (read : they want Brussels to become part of Wallonia with Flemings reduced to requiring special facilities, just like the francophones in the Flemish suburbs surrounding the nation’s capital.). Even a blind person can see that hell will freeze over three times before the Flemish politicians allow this.

So what is going to happen next? In a surprise move, king Albert II has returned from his holiday and will have talks with representatives of all parties involved in the government formation. This, to my knowledge at least, has never happened before in Belgium’s history. As I stated in a former post, the king’s role is restricted and he isn’t allowed to interfere in political affairs. That it would take such a move to defuse this crisis is a grave indication that all is not well over here. Everybody keeps acting as if the elephant isn’t in the room, but it’s there. The elephant in question is the undoing of this country. What was a mockumentary that had two thirds of Wallonia scared shitless is now threatening to become real (and the mockumentary itself reinforced the belief down South that Flemings are all separatists, which doesn’t help the present situation; thanks RTBF!).

But we’re not there yet. And I personally believe Belgium will at least continue to exist until the next national elections which is, if all goes well, in five years. But the stage is set. While I may be accused of predicting doom, I find it very feasible that even now a civil war could break out if the negotiations take too long. People are following this on both sides of the language border, they listen to their own versions of what’s going on through their own media and all it would take is one wrong word out of the mouth of a Fleming to a Wallonian or vice versa. The reason why I say this, is because we have the extreme nationalist party Vlaams Belang, who took lessons from their Nazi counterparts and could instigate riots just the same as the NSDAP did in the 30’s when Germany was in an unstable political and economical state. I worry about this, as they’ve been keeping unnaturally quiet lately. Even so, with or without civil war, I am very certain that what the picture above portrays will happen sometime in the not so distant future. Can I apply for asylum in Slovenija now?

Dr. ARF