Briton Aims for River, Lands on Concrete

In wee hours of Monday morning (or was it Sunday night) a group of merry Britons wandered around Ljubljana and apparently tried to indulge in age-old tradition of British tourists to bathe in the river Ljubljanica. According to POP TV one particularly adventurous 29-year-old leaped across the railing, misjudged his aim and landed on the concrete embankment.


Seriously, how the fuck do you miss that!?!

It would seem that copious amounts of alcohol softened his landing, for when the police arrived to the scene (apparently within minutes) he was told not to move as they were coming to get him. But, probably trying to prove to everyone that he’s OK, the chap reportedly tried to stand up, which only resulted in him falling into the river. Which was his initial plan, but the river, a treacherous little stream on a normal day, was swollen from two days of constant rain and he soon found himself fighting for his life. It was a one-sided fight, not unlike what France Prešeren described in his poem Povodni mož:

Boatmen only saw a swirl
where Urška danced her last twirl

Well, our fearless Briton was luckier than that spoiled bitch Urška. Coppers went right after him and caught him just as he was about to swallow his last gulp of the Ljubljanica. The three of them were then pulled ashore downstream by the rest of the police patrol and instead of literally sleeping with the fishes the would-be swimmer was only treated for hypothermia and alcohol poisoning.

The moral of the story? The good doctor put it best when she said that if they can miss an entire river, then maybe then can miss our goal on Wednesday as well 😈

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pengovsky

Agent provocateur and an occasional scribe.

6 thoughts on “Briton Aims for River, Lands on Concrete”

  1. Trust me, if you think it’s a sophisticated British strategy you’re wildly overestimating our capabilities!

    Plain as day, we can’t even fall into the water correctly.

    I’m not looking forward to the match.

    At all.

  2. Surely you just want us to, well, misunderestimate you 😉 Regardless of everything, England are an excellent team and there are no points for guessing which side is the favourite in this match.

  3. The Slovenian weather has been pissing on me for the last 9 days. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if your football team continued the trend today

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