Special Guest Star
Hamster - fur of choice by the Bitchs(k)weet team
Pengovsky has cut down on blogging in the past few days, mostly because he caught a nasty case of cold and is trying to get well for the Saturday and Sunday gig at Cutty Sark Pub. But in the mean time a most amazing thing happened - he appeared as an “expert blogger” or as he likes to think - a special guest star at Bitchs(k)weet blog, where Centrifuzija, Blodnja, Megafotr and Predpralec perform and collect bizzare acts of all sorts.
They posted several tutorials on sexual practices, but Pengovsky felt that special tutorials for women on kissing and giving blowjobs were needed. He was challenged to write one (namely a tutorial on kissing), but he heard what he wanted to hear and wrote a tutorial on blowjobs instead, which was - contrary to his expectations - published. The tutorial is in Slovene, but just to give you a general idea, here’s a quick translation of the theoretical background of blowjobs.
Blowjob (more precisely, the lack thereof) is probably one of the most overlooked cause of conflicts in history. The lack of proper blowjobs often led to bad sex, ruined relationships and marriages and - yes - even wars!
Later in this text we shall demonstrate, how a lack of a propper blowjob invariably leads to a bad sexual act. But first we shall do a quick overwiev of the effect blowjobs (or the lack of the aforementioned) have had on some of the key events in recent history:
Archduchess Sophie, wife to Austro-Hungarian heir-to-the-throne Archduke Franz Ferdinand has firmly declined felatio as a sexual practice. She simply wouldn’t blow him. Franz compensated by screwing women all over Bosnia as well as by attending military excersies. One day, after a particularly bitter fight, when Sophie said that she could never ever kiss their children again if she took that thing in her mouth, Franz flipped, put her on a train and took her to Bosnia to show her how that is done. Unfortunatelly, their driver took a wrong turn while they were inspecting the troops, and they ended up in a Serb part of the town. The rest, as they say, is history.
Laura Bush hates blowjobs as well (one hopes that at least the Bush twins are more liberal in that departement). It is no wonder then that W. compensated lack of proper sex by explosions all over the world. Slovenia must immediately propose a UN resolution instructing Ms. Bush to blow her husband at least twice a week, with a six week transition period, when she can blow him only once a week (due to material fatigue, indegestion and/or prostate inflamation). George W. would look forward to “days of felatio” so much that he’d forget about other bullshit and the rest of the world would live in peace and harmony once again.
Hillary Clinton too, neglected her husband felatio-wise. However, Bill is a smart man and he found an assistant willing to risk her career and blow the president in the name of world peace. Thus Clinton never felt the urge to press “the button”.
And last but not least: Ever since Slovene PM Janez Janša met Urška Bačovnik (she’s a doctor, familiar with the anatomy of the human body and blows JJ good, no doubt), he became much more human, even admitting that the government fucked up in the case of the Roma family. Even more, he struck down Drobnič’s proposed ban on abortion.
Well, there you go. The rest is here, in Slovene only.
P.S.: If anyone knows URLs of Predpralec and Blodnja, let me know, so I can link them
December 29th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
As far as I’m concerned this is by far the best tutorial for blow jobs.
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December 29th, 2006 at 3:52 pm
Congratulations for this honor.
As far as I’m concerned this is by far the best fellatio tutorial. It’s worth taking a look. 
December 29th, 2006 at 3:54 pm
Damn it… My comments disappeared when I clicked submit. You should check the moderation waiting line to see if it got stuck there. Btw, you can erase one of them. I posted two very similar comments because at first I thought it was my mistake.
December 29th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Sorry… The spam filter is feeling trigger-happy these days…
December 29th, 2006 at 4:53 pm
…and yes, ’tis a very VERY good tutorial…
:D
December 31st, 2006 at 6:32 pm
Jaz bi rada omenila, da nimam nobene zveze z zgoraj omenjeno Centrifuzijo. Ženska je centrifuzna, bizarna, nespodobna, pokvarjena, primitivna in pritlehna.
December 31st, 2006 at 6:37 pm
Oooo, naj se najprvo zahvalim za prikupno slikico hrčka. Hrčki so naš največji vir veselja in zabave. So naravna inspiracija. Hvala za ta navdih.
Blodnja je imela svoj blog, vendar ga nima več. Bičskvit je njen blog! Centrifuzija sem jaz in imam svoj blog. Bičskvit je moj blog! Megafotr se pojavlja še na nekem svojem blogu, ki pa ni vreden omembe. Predpralec je eden in edini vzvišeni. Dopuščamo možnost, da ima še kak alterego, vendar ta očitno ni dovolj prezenten.
December 31st, 2006 at 6:42 pm
Ah, dully noted for future reference…. Tudi jaz sem čisto iz sebe od navdušenja nad pojasnjenim misterijem… Zato me je slišati v stereo tehniki
January 1st, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Pengovsky,
a nice job. I have a question: have you explained everything there is to know about the corresponding Do-Nots? It IS a delicate job and it would be a pity to waste time doing wrong things…
January 1st, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Come to think of it, I didn’t cover the do-nots specifically… I did point out that variation is the key to a (blow)job well done, and I also gave some pointers on how to do it right
From that point on the fate of the enterprise ovbiously lies in the hands (and mouth) of the …eeeerrr…. giver 
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Po moje te hoče samo - khm - vzburit
September 15th, 2007 at 9:40 am
[…] Several years after the burning incident pengovsky was captured by a tribe of Friday Foxies who let him go free only after locating a tribe of Monday Morning Meat. The two tribes started procreating immediately, but their lack of genetic variety led to emergence of so called Slovenian people (homo sapiens slovenicus) who were known for being quick with their tongue but slow in the head. This feature enabled them to master the art of oral sex, for which they became famous in the rest of the known world (i.e.: the next village) and everyone flocked to the Slovenian people to get head. Pengovsky was named to – well – head the Slovenian people as their Supreme Everlasting Infallible and Superior Head, Master and Politcommissar. […]
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