Special Guest Star
Hamster - fur of choice by the Bitchs(k)weet team
Pengovsky has cut down on blogging in the past few days, mostly because he caught a nasty case of cold and is trying to get well for the Saturday and Sunday gig at Cutty Sark Pub. But in the mean time a most amazing thing happened - he appeared as an “expert blogger” or as he likes to think - a special guest star at Bitchs(k)weet blog, where Centrifuzija, Blodnja, Megafotr and Predpralec perform and collect bizzare acts of all sorts.
They posted several tutorials on sexual practices, but Pengovsky felt that special tutorials for women on kissing and giving blowjobs were needed. He was challenged to write one (namely a tutorial on kissing), but he heard what he wanted to hear and wrote a tutorial on blowjobs instead, which was - contrary to his expectations - published. The tutorial is in Slovene, but just to give you a general idea, here’s a quick translation of the theoretical background of blowjobs.
Blowjob (more precisely, the lack thereof) is probably one of the most overlooked cause of conflicts in history. The lack of proper blowjobs often led to bad sex, ruined relationships and marriages and - yes - even wars!
Later in this text we shall demonstrate, how a lack of a propper blowjob invariably leads to a bad sexual act. But first we shall do a quick overwiev of the effect blowjobs (or the lack of the aforementioned) have had on some of the key events in recent history:
Archduchess Sophie, wife to Austro-Hungarian heir-to-the-throne Archduke Franz Ferdinand has firmly declined felatio as a sexual practice. She simply wouldn’t blow him. Franz compensated by screwing women all over Bosnia as well as by attending military excersies. One day, after a particularly bitter fight, when Sophie said that she could never ever kiss their children again if she took that thing in her mouth, Franz flipped, put her on a train and took her to Bosnia to show her how that is done. Unfortunatelly, their driver took a wrong turn while they were inspecting the troops, and they ended up in a Serb part of the town. The rest, as they say, is history.
Laura Bush hates blowjobs as well (one hopes that at least the Bush twins are more liberal in that departement). It is no wonder then that W. compensated lack of proper sex by explosions all over the world. Slovenia must immediately propose a UN resolution instructing Ms. Bush to blow her husband at least twice a week, with a six week transition period, when she can blow him only once a week (due to material fatigue, indegestion and/or prostate inflamation). George W. would look forward to “days of felatio” so much that he’d forget about other bullshit and the rest of the world would live in peace and harmony once again.
Hillary Clinton too, neglected her husband felatio-wise. However, Bill is a smart man and he found an assistant willing to risk her career and blow the president in the name of world peace. Thus Clinton never felt the urge to press “the button”.
And last but not least: Ever since Slovene PM Janez Janša met Urška Bačovnik (she’s a doctor, familiar with the anatomy of the human body and blows JJ good, no doubt), he became much more human, even admitting that the government fucked up in the case of the Roma family. Even more, he struck down Drobnič’s proposed ban on abortion.
Well, there you go. The rest is here, in Slovene only.
P.S.: If anyone knows URLs of Predpralec and Blodnja, let me know, so I can link them
Friday, December 29th, 2006
